Doug Smith: The Trouble with Tribbles

5 Aug


Doug Smith: Author, historian and regular contributor to Free State Patriot.

Star Trek fans will remember the tongue in cheek episode “The Trouble with Tribbles”. (David Gerrold, 1968.)


The episode posits a small, seemingly harmless critter, the Tribble, which emits a soothing sound that makes people want to hold it for comfort and pet it. It is just a small ball of fur, and, again, “seemingly” harmless.

There is just one problem. Tribble only do 3 things. Just three. They purr. They eat. And they, ah, reproduce. They purr in a most lovely manner. And they eat. Everything. As they reproduce. Rapidly. They will quickly eat and, ah, frolic (?) to the point where all food, and space for them to live, is gone. It must be noted, of course, that if you have been petting one for the soothing sounds they make, you, too, will be out of food, and room. Pity Captain Kirk. Commander of a state of the art space ship, he is engulfed in the little critters, at risk of losing a shipment of grain which will cause millions to starve, and barely able to turn around, let alone con his ship, for the soothing little “ purr balls”, still making noises to tell him everything is fine.

Tribbles, it seems, are Progressives. The soothingly tell us that all is well, they have their hearts set on our best interest, but no, fatherless families are not a problem. Meanwhile inner cities burn and writhe in violence.

They assure us that “carbon emissions are at their highest level in 800,000 years”, never mind there was no industry to speak of even 200 years gone, and global “warming” has decreased for 25 years. Get out your long johns, climate change is coming. We can fix it with Solar panels. Pause. From Solyndra?

But don’t worry, here, rub a Tribble. Purr. Purr.

We are assured that spending just a little more on government programs for education will make us the envy of the world. Trillions of dollars later, Johnny can’t read his arrest warrant, or sign his welfare check. No worries, we will go to a card for him. Because the check-out guy can’t read it either, so we’ll just swipe it. Because neither of them can do the math either. But no worries, give us more money and we will really fix it. This time. Here, pet the fur ball. Purr. Purr.

We are told, from the New Deal, to the Great Society, to the War on Poverty, to Obamaphones and Government Motors, that more government spending will eliminate poverty. Meantime, jobs vanish, more people are in poverty than ever before, and fewer than ever are motivated to get out of it. But no worries, they may be poor, but they can Vote! Here, relax, rub a Tribble. Purr. Purr.

What we really need, they assure us, is for everyone to pay their fair share. Never mind that the producers of goods and services are paying 85% of all they take in. Never mind that nearly half are living off the hard work and effort of the other half. Never mind that we have the highest taxes in the corporate world. Never mind that we have the population of Germany (by numbers) unemployed. Never mind that black young men are unemployed at a rate of 45%. Never mind that we have borrowed more than we are ever likely to pay, that in 7 years we have racked up more debt than the entire history of the Republic. It’s not like we are ever going to pay it! Here, rub a Tribble. Purr. Purr??

It is time to stop feeding the Triberals. They never get enough. Every inch is a light year by the time they are done. It is worse than feeding a stray dog or cat.

In the Star Trek episode, they sent all the little pests to the engine room of their enemies to be a nuisance for them for a change. Perhaps deporting 11 million illegal aliens to Mexico is not viable. But might we send a few million Progressives to Iran, or China, or Russia?

Where I’m sure, (sorry, Scotty,) they’ll be no Tribble at all.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: