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Doug Smith: A Way to end the “Cornfusion” in Iowa

30 Jan



Doug Smith:  Author, Historian and lead contributor to Free State Patriot

It is time to clear up the Cornfusion in Iowa.

 Ethanol from Corn has NOT worked out as a fuel source. Neither has Cold Fusion. (See what I did there?)   After all, what has Iowa given us? The Music Man, Jimmy Carter, Barack Obama, and ethanol.


 We don’t need ethanol in our cars. We certainly don’t need another Jimmy Obama. We do need that clarity.  So, here are my thoughts: 

 My neighboring state of Kentucky has a successful industry converting corn into ethanol. The Kentucky form of ethanol does not pollute or hurt car engines. It does not required taxpayer subsidies to survive: it sells very well, without coercion, and produces a tidy tax base.

 Whiskey has a long tradition in America. It was once practically currency. (See the Whiskey Rebellion)

 The 2 big centers for American Whiskey are Kentucky and Tennessee. Once, the technology centers were Boston and Silicon Valley. Then Raleigh, NC came up with Research Triangle and the 3rd great center was born.  


  The time has come for Iowa whiskey. The corn is already there. Distilleries are already there. Add some oak barrels, some transplanted Scots, or Irishmen, or Kentuckians, and we have a whole new industry, ready to explode on the scene.  

 Or…NASCAR.  I can see it now: The Ethanol 500. We’ll promote it at the Newton Motor Speedway in Iowa. All cars for the race will be modified to run on pure Iowa Whiskey. It doesn’t need to be aged in Oak barrels for this. West Virginians will be glad to supply them with Mason Jars.  

  Never mind, we will work out the details.  I’ll get a jacket for the Landon Cassel (NASCAR driver from Iowa, for the uninitiated) team.  Kellogg’s can be a sponsor. 

 We can further start an Off Broadway venue and drum (see what I did there?) it up as the new face of Iowa. We can build the Professor Harold Hill Theater, on River City Drive. And the patrons, who will come from far and wide, can have a few shots of Paroo Whiskey along with their Corn Pudding for dinner before the show. 

 Baseball!  Kevin Costner showed us the way. Baseball diamonds in the midst of corn rows. Iowa needs the next MLB expansion team. Who doesn’t love baseball, and of course, Corn Dogs!


 Politics is only every 4 years, but whiskey is all the time. Baseball has a nice long season. And they will all turn out for the games. Yes, the Sioux City Hawks will have a large and loyal following. Taking a note from Green Bay, they can wear a corn cob hat. 

 Those Hawkeyes are not very good at politics. The winners of the Hawkeye “Cauceye” are more often the loser than the winner of the big Enchilada. (That would be the Presidency, not the Mexican food made with, yep, you guessed it, corn). Yes, they will be making so much money, and having so much fun, that the next political train wreck “a La Carter” or Obama will have to come from somewhere else.

 Arkansas, perhaps.  

 This will work!


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