DOUG SMITH: Candidates winning Iowa: Good or bad omen for becoming POTUS?

8 Apr

DOUG SMITH

DOUG SMITH: Author, historian and Free State Patriot regular contributor

Today, Jim Geraghty notes in National Review Online that the GOP elite both hate and fear Iowa. Yet none of them seem to have the necessary body parts to criticize Iowa. Well, buckle up, Hawkeyes. I m a Republican, barely (yea, I criticize them too), I’m not running for President, and I “ain’t scared of no Hawkeyes.”

So, brrrrrt, Iowa. (That is a raspberry). By virtue of holding the first caucus in the primary season, and lots of chicken dinners, Iowa has become quite the state celebrity. Everybody goes there; hat in hand, tail between legs, checkbook in shirt pocket. They promise, and deliver, ridiculous amounts of everyone else’s money (never their own!)to Iowa for farm subsidies, and pay farmers to grow corn for ethanol, which drives up corn prices, and gasoline prices, produces a less efficient fuel, creates more pollution to make a gallon of ethanol laced fuel than burning the gallon of unleaded regular would produce, all for the hope that maybe the stiff necked dirt farmers will smile on them. Amazingly, those who end up getting elected actually fulfill their promises, and pour all that money into Iowa.

And the dirty little secret is, very few Presidents actually won Iowa. Statistically, the best thing a candidate could do is land in Iowa, tell them they stink, and that Professor Harold Hill had the right idea, and dare them to vote for him. Winning in Iowa is a death knell for a campaign. Yet every four years, off they trudge.

Oh for a candidate, who will lose Iowa, so that he may win the White House, and will pledge to end the ethanol subsidy? Perhaps Rand Paul could suggest to Iowans that if they want their corn in ethanol they should sell it to Kentucky Distilleries so it can end up in Kentucky Sour Mash.

Or, perhaps West Virginia should move to an early caucus system, and demand kickbacks to remove restrictions on coal, or mandates to use it, or, how about forcing Iowans to pay a Carbon Tax to turn coal into a food? After all, if we are going to use corn as a fuel, why not eat coal? We could trade coal for corn, and let the Iowans turn the coal into fuel oil, while we turn their corn into cornbread, or make moonshine out of it. Hey, with our mountains and our moonshine stills, we could fuel a rocket and sell tourist excursions into space for a million dollars a pop. Tourism, baby! Or, how about the other 49 states get together and sign a pledge that we will not vote for any candidate who campaigns in the rubber chicken circuit in Iowa. Perhaps a lottery system like a football pool, with each primary assigned randomly every four years by chance.

We have had an awful lot of weird tossed into the political process by those stiff necked Hawkeyes. Perhaps it is time for the rest of us to embrace the weird. Or perhaps it is time to let it go.

How about it, 2016 Presidential candidates? Common sense, anyone?

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