S.H. TOWNSEND: The War on Women – More of a battle for some.

20 Nov

shelleye

This is the 2nd in a series from S.H. Townsend dealing with a conservative woman’s perspective on the “war on women”.

war 4

Is there a war on women? How has it affected me? I have found myself in the midst of battles for which I was unprepared.

It was drilled into my head by my mother’s partner that all men were scum and couldn’t be trusted, but I also came to the conclusion that women couldn’t be trusted. This was after being bullied by my female peers throughout junior high school over, wouldn’t you know it, boys.

I had very few real female friends. I felt like they were all out to hurt each other. I had witnessed it many times, the catty remarks, the backhanded compliments, the unspoken competitions between women, and I didn’t want to participate in any of it. I found most females to be boy crazy. I had no interest in chatting about such insipid topics as men’s bums, or engaging in ridiculous debates about who was the hottest guy, so I became one of the guys.

war on women 1

There were times when my male peers treated like the female that I am. I thought it was chauvinistic and rude, and I chastised them for it. I was woman, hear me roar! My male peers were in fact not really doing anything wrong, but I didn’t see it that way at the time.

One of the biggest battles into which I was thrust was during my first marriage. A huge portion of the battles took place at a church I attended with my first husband, who was probably the king of chauvinists. It wasn’t his fault. His father was a chauvinist, and the church he attended upheld chauvinist beliefs and had absolutely no respect for women. Women were to be seen and not heard. Women were not allowed to make important decisions. Women could play the piano and sing. Women could be Sunday school teachers and worship leaders, but a woman leader? That’s not of God! Women are subject to the men! WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SILENT IN CHURCH!

During the last few months of my marriage, my first husband got arrested on a bench warrant. The pastor of the First Church of the Misogynist of Latter Day Saints* (and probably not the last) told me that I had no right to be angry. Of course I was angry! I had to take a day off work and spend money I didn’t have to bail him out of jail!

My marriage was nearing its eventual end. I sought help from the church. I was under the impression that churches were filled with kind people who lived to serve others, because it was what Jesus did during his lifetime. I admitted to the church that my marriage was falling apart.

Throughout my two year attendance, I was told that my husband’s sin was my fault. I didn’t pray or fast enough. I wasn’t a good wife. I did everything I thought a good wife should do. Proverbs 31 was my guide. I did every single one of the things possible to do, but it still wasn’t good enough to save my marriage. I WAS PERFECT, and it was killing me.

I went to the church for help. I told them how I was doing everything in Proverbs 31, and I was told it still wasn’t enough. Upon hearing that statement, I told the pastor if the church refused to help me, I was filing for divorce. The pastor’s response was, “He’s your mule.”

war on women 2

I never agreed to a marriage with a husband who ran the bars and brought other women home. (I felt more hatred toward women because he brought so many into our home.) I pointed out that the vows had broken and I was done. The pastor’s response was, “If you divorce him, you’ll go straight to Hell, and so will any man you marry.” I was beyond the valley of angry. I should have just shut up and left, but the words, “I’ll see you there,” escaped my lips. I left that church and didn’t look back.

Stay tuned for part three, where I will further discuss my experiences on the battlefield.

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